hariboo:

tbonechessor:

leftbouquetarbiter:

listen ok. so there’s that typical horror trope about the family and the haunted house and yadda yadda.

but like, have a movie where this family has gone through many haunted houses before, to the point where they move into this new one and are like ‘okay. fresh start number seven.’ and then basically throughout the movie avoid and deflect any typical horror event from the house like it’s no big deal. 

something’s under the teen girl’s bed? she takes a can of bug spray and some chloroform and uses that shit on the demon creature without turning an eye from whoever she was texting. mom’s cooking and the family’s nowhere to be found? weird creaking noises? she sighs and continues cooking. family comes through the back door later with some blood on them and carrying a few hockey masks. mom doesn’t question it. family looks exhausted and irritated. younger brother walks into his room to find the dog trapped in the wardrobe, wardrobe unable to open? seeping dark smoke and gross liquids? move it and throw some salt around that thang and kick in the back of the wardrobe. dog hops out with a scoff and trots to the door of the room and down the stairs. a shadow follows. lots of growling and snarling and scuffling. a shadow runs fuckin outie back down the hall in fear. dad is in the garage working in the car. car shuts it’s doors and locks them. he is unable to get out. he sighs and starts the car. might as well go get groceries.

family don’t give a fuck.

hello, yes, how much do movies cost and how would I fund this

omg this would be hilarious. bonus: the ghost or poltergeist to give up after a certian point this family is too hardcore and just accept the family into the house. they literally stop bc honestly the amount of ghost energy they’re using up is terrible and just creepily make glass fog up and write “fine, truce. you win.” and the mother just nods and the kid add a smiley face to the creepy fogged up glass.

now they have a very handy alarm system and when the new baby is born: creepy shadow live in babysitter who is ironically great with kids

hufflepuff: you fuck with my mates, you fuck with me
slytherin: i can buy you and your entire family
ravenclaw: *downs red bull* i can figure this out
gryffindor: hold my beer and watch this