Whoa guys, I just got a wild idea. I’m just putting this out there…
what if it can fold up to fit inside?
WHOA LOOK AT THAT IT CAN FOLD IN HALF TO FIT INSIDE THE LM AND THEN ALL THEY HAVE TO DO WHEN THEY GET TO THE MOON IS PULL THIS THING TO UNFOLD IT AND GET IT OUT AT THE SAME TIME THIS IS SO CLEVER I’M S H O O K
yes we can
THERE WAS A SHOW CALLED MOON MACHINES THAT DID AN ENTIRE ONE HOUR EPISODE ON THE LUNAR ROVER! IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO EXIST BUT THEN SOMEONE REALIZED THERE WAS A TINY WEDGE SPACED VOID BETWEEN THE LANDING STRUTS THAT COULD FIT A TINY SOMETHING! A PAIR OF FORD EMPLOYEES FIGURED OUT HOW TO ORIGAMI DECEPTICON A TINY CAR INTO THAT SHIT AND USED A GI JOE TOY TO BUILD A MODEL VERSION THAT THEY RC DROVE INTO WERNER VON BRAUN’S OFFICE!
Sorry for the all caps, but the lunar rover is honestly one of the coolest fucking engineering accomplishments of all time and deserves to be recognized as such.
“We’ve got a tiny space, we might be able to fit something extra in on the descent ship.”
“…Hey, wouldn’t it be fucking sweet if they had a moon go-kart that folded up?”
“IT FUCKING WILL BE SWEET BECAUSE IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW”
I always love how badly moon truthers underestimate the reality of the Apollo program.
The villain gives their customary “join me and we can be great” speech. The hero accepts.
“Join me, and we could rule the world together! Hell, the UNIVERSE! Why, with my vision and your raw power, we could–”
“Okay.”
“… I’m… sorry?”
“Well I mean you should be, you’ve been acting like an ass this whole time, but whatever, okay. I’ll join you.”
“You– wha?”
“Well I already can’t use my powers to rescue a kitten from a tree without being eyeball deep in Should Supers Be Government Regulated discourse. And selective media coverage that makes me look like a prick. And have you seen the memes? I’m done.”
“I–”
“And I got a tooth knocked out in a fight last week but I don’t get dental coverage for this gig. Or, you know. Income of any kind, livable or not. But you own a multi-billion dollar evil corporation so I assume there’s benefits?”
“Yes. There’s… yes.”
“So whatever, I’m in. Evil’s my middle name, or something. What’s our plan?”
“…”
“Do you… what, do you not have a plan?”
“Honestly no, I really didn’t think you’d be on board, I– I’m not sure how to proceed from here.”
So, possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the “women want him, men want to *be* him” stuff in old movies? Well I’m a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!
I’m having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a date. It is.. not going well. Guy was being rather creepy and making some pretty inappropriate comments, the girl doesn’t look at all comfortable.
The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly, my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says “well, least I know you can swallow right?”. Loudly.
Girl goes red and tells him that isn’t appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a “shoo” type motion and says “oh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anyway”.
I missed her exact reply as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said – fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with “sweetheart I picked you up, I know where you live”. She lost the colour in her face and said nothing.
No. No. Fuck no. I’m one of those “get involved” type of people and there is no way I’m sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.
I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says “Easy.. I’ve got this one son”. Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to “stab him in the neck” and I’m already thinking maybe that’s not the best idea, I sit down.
He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesn’t have any colour in his face.
Cop: “So, I’m quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?”
Guy: “I, ah, well, um, you see..”
Cop: “That’s what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now I’m deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up.”
Guy: “oh no well that…”
Cop: “But that would disrupt everyone’s dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, because I wouldn’t want you running off on me, then you go see one of the staff here and settle your bill.. the full bill now, this young lady shouldn’t go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, I’ll leave it up to you.”
Guy: “No no! That’s perfectly fine!” *hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter*
Cop: *while writing down the guys details* “Sorry about that miss, I hope I’m not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and don’t worry, if you want to pursue this further I’ll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further.”
Girl: “No, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here”.
Cop: *shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second* “Well I’m here with my daughter, she’s about your age, perhaps you’d like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if you’d like, unless you’d prefer to call someone else?”
Girl: “Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much!”
*guy returns, so does the hardarse cop*
Guy: “Uh so, I’ve paid the bill, if I could have my ID back..”.
Cop: “There you go.. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you don’t go near or contact this young lady ever again.”
Guy: “Yes yes of course, I’m so sorry!”
The guy pretty much fled the restaurant, the girl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap.
It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero.
Dude. I hope that man has a great rest of his life.
May all of you find jobs and careers to support yourselves, your families, your pets, and may you never spend a single night dreading going to work the next day. May your jobs be fulfilling, safe, rewarding, prosperous, and healthy for you and your goals.
theclumsiestninja 