dad-nixilis:

theworldsactuallynotthatsmall:

elvensemi:

locust-god:

glumshoe:

The Fair Folk: “I can’t believe this. Twenty years I’ve cleaned your house and you DARE to try to REPAY me with GIFTS. This is such an insult. Fuck you, you insolent humans. I’m leaving here and never returning because you have insulted me so deeply.”

Also the Fair Folk: “Remember that one time you pulled a thorn out of a cat’s foot? That was me. To show my gratitude, here is a house made of solid gold, a life-debt, my daughter’s hand in marriage, and a promise that all your children will be gorgeous and successful at all that they do. I can also throw in a blow job if you want. I hope this is enough. I don’t want to seem ungrateful.”

ship are you making a callout post for faeries

#now to be fair #i have always interpreted this dichotomy as#you can leave them gifts #but not as repayment#because otherwise you’re just paying them to clean your house#and so the insult is to imply that they are servants performing labor for compensation#when in reality they are Magnanimous Bros#totally just cleaning your nasty house out of the goodness of their good good hearts#and if you want to also be a bro #and give them some uncurdled milk and honey#that’s cool because that’s what bros do#but if you’re like ‘here’s some food for cleaning my house’ it’s like #EXCUSE ME#ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT YOU’RE ONLY GIVING ME THIS BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING FOR YOU#WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU#FUCK OFF WITH THAT THEN I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS

This is the quality content I look for on my dash

The only bro code worth following.

alrightsnaps:

sophisti-cunted:

Lemony Snicket was deeply in love with Beatrice Baudelaire, yet when she and her husband were killed by the tale’s antagonists, his telling of the events that followed showed full support for the children. Well, to the greatest extent he could while pursued by the same villains. Snicket’s love was eternal, but so was his respect for the woman he loved and her choices. And that is why Lemony Snicket is 8000 times better than Severus Snape.

Also; Lemony actually had a relationship with Beatrice while they were both working for VFD, one serious enough for him to propose. Snape had a childhood friendship he threw away in a heartbeat to become a muggleborn murdering Nazi. And of course; the Baudelaires were murdered by the tale’s antagonists against whom Lemony had been fighting for years. The Potters were murdered by the tale’s antagonists, whom Snape was an over eager member of.

theoneblogicareabout:

I want a short story on Fred and George staring at this blank piece of paper and trying to figure out why Filch would label it “Dangerous”. Then I want them going through every possible variation of “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” before actually hitting the right words.

Example: “I promise I’m gonna fuck shit up.”

Mr. Moony would like to ask Messrs. Weasley why they think such foul language is necessary to accomplish mischief.

Mr. Wormtail would like to inform Messrs. Weasley that they are getting warmer.

Mr. Padfoot would like to high five Messrs. Weasley.

Mr. Prongs would like to have a pint with Messrs. Weasley as they seem just like his kind of people. As long as they solemnly swear it.