I was hanging my tent over the shower rod to dry out, since I had to pack it away wet, and the kittens were in the bathroom because anything to do with the shower curtain is automatically Of Interest To Them. As I was draping the tent over the pole a fucking GIANT SPIDER slithered out of it, apparently he’d hitched a ride, which is probably why my backpack felt heavier going back.
This spider walked like a man. He was a tarantula junior, and while I understand that spiders are a vital part of our ecosystem and more afraid of me than I am of them, I still was not down with having to charge him rent for sharing the condo, he was that big. (Also I’m well aware he was probably a she and I don’t want to be dad to a thousand spider babies.)
So while I was casting around for something large enough to murder the spider with, up pops Dearborn, who watches this monster drop into the tub, leaps in, pounces, and
cronch cronch cronch
WHAT A GOOD KITTEN. THE VERY BEST KITTEN. SHE ATE A SPIDER HALF HER OWN BODY WEIGHT. SUCH A GOOD KITTEN.
And I don’t even have to give her a treat! She already had one! IT WAS THE SPIDER!
you know what trope pisses me off the most? when the protag is pointing a gun at somebody and they’re like “you won’t do it. you’re too good” and the person holding the gun is like oh shit i am and they slowly lower the gun while the other person laughs. WHAT THE FUCK. if i were there, and somebody told me “you won’t do it” i would immediately shoot them dead without hesitating. who are you to tell me what i wont do. musty bitch
Keep in mind that there is almost always a third option, most especially when the person talking is vague about what, precisely, it is that you “won’t do.”
If it’s noodles, pour them on your sister instead of on her computer, or if the noodles are quite hot, pour them on her pillow or in a great spattering arc around her room.
If you have a supervillain at gunpoint and *they* say you’re “too good” and “won’t do it,” shoot them in the leg/foot or the shoulder. The former allows them to think they’re right while you lower the gun only to be confronted with sudden understanding and regret when you blow their metatarsals to kingdom come, while the latter is instant and avoids giving them even a moment’s satisfaction or any time to charge you while you’re lowering the gun to shoot them in the leg.
Door Number Three usually exists and is often your friend. Endeavor to cultivate awareness thereof.
theclumsiestninja 