theclumsiestninja

moonflower91:

onyourleftbooob:

unpretty:

When I’m super turned-on I can say the filthiest fucking things without even thinking about it but otherwise irl I am so fucking shy I can’t even tell my husband I want to fuck

no seriously

like when he was just my boyfriend and he was visiting me from long-distance, I was like “damn he’s hot” but rather than say that I decided the best way to convey that I was dtf was to come up behind him and reach around and grab his dick

and like any sensible person he was like “why are you grabbing my dick”

and at that point I suddenly remember that I am a shy useless sack of shit and then I am torn because on the one hand I still want to fuck but on the other hand I kind of want to pretend I never thought this was a good idea

so my compromise is to just say “I’m not”

WITH MY HAND STILL ON HIS DICK

so again like any sensible person he’s like “okay well then who is grabbing my dick”

AND I PANICKED

AND SAID

“IT’S A GHOOOooooOOOOoooOOOST”

AND JIGGLED MY HAND LIKE I WAS WEARING A SHEET AND FLOATING THROUGH THE AIR

AND HE LEFT THE ROOM AND EIGHT YEARS LATER MARRIED ME FOR SOME FUCKING REASON

#HE STILL HAS NOT LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN #IF I GRAB HIS DICK HE SCREAMS THAT THE HOUSE IS HAUNTED

I’m so happy you married him

madfrisky:

I’ve seen Horny Internet Fangirls fall physically in lust with everything from standard hunks to weird cartoons to robots to monsters and every body type from potbelly bear to skeletal beanpole and it never fails to amaze me, when by comparison, straight guys seem to have trouble with any woman who isn’t hourglass shaped

belligerentbagel:

thoughtportal:

Happy Labor Day. Today I learned about probably the first strike to happen IN SPACE.

“We would never work 16 hours a day for 84 straight days on the ground, and we should not be expected to do it here in space.“

The day when three NASA astronauts staged a strike in space (Hiltzik, LA Times)

dragon-in-a-fez:

darklordtomarry:

ronaldswheezy:

sp00kylexa:

harry can’t duel

harry can’t duel

harry cannot duel

he only uses expelliarmus and he cannot duel

even if he’s dueling the FUCKING DARK LORD

Imagine the conversation ministry officials must be having when they see his auror application:

“He’s Harry Potter!”

“I know but that doesn’t change the fact-”

“Harry! Freaking! Potter!”

“We still need him to attend extra duelling lessons-”

“We can’t put Harry Potter in extra duelling lessons!”

“He only ever uses one spell-”

“Yeah, but he’s really good at it.”

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times. – Bruce Lee

Harry Potter, the boy who dared to ask, “why study all these other spells if I can get really good at yeeting everyone’s wands out of their hands”

megturnedmegay:

Don’t fucking laugh during my speech!

xxtc-96xx:

decided to try another totally legit quote from @incorrectbnhaquotes as well as Big Hero 6

Izuku stop breaking yourself, sheesh

buy me a coffee :3

waitwhatdidtheysay:

gayunderstanding:

arianagrandre:

Ariana joking about her diva rumors

i stan

[captions]
Ariana Granda: “Hello, I’m Ariana Granda. I must be carried.”
James Corden: “What are we having, Ariana? What’re you ordering?”
Ariana: “Can I please have a-a soy latte?”
James: “What size would you like?”
Ariana: “Uh, I’m gonna get a Grande!”
James “Hey!!” [laughing]
Ariana: “Hey! Gets ‘em every time! Thank you.”
Ariana [to the crowd]: “Did you know I demand to be carried everywhere?”
James: [inaudible] “These are all true stories.”
Ariana: “That’s just the kind of pop star I am.”
James: [at the door] “OK, hang on. You got it? Can you push?”
Ariana: “I just want y’all to know, if you see me anywhere, I ‘cuz didn’t walk there myself, I promise.”
James: “There we go.”