When I’m super turned-on I can say the filthiest fucking things without even thinking about it but otherwise irl I am so fucking shy I can’t even tell my husband I want to fuck
no seriously
like when he was just my boyfriend and he was visiting me from long-distance, I was like “damn he’s hot” but rather than say that I decided the best way to convey that I was dtf was to come up behind him and reach around and grab his dick
and like any sensible person he was like “why are you grabbing my dick”
and at that point I suddenly remember that I am a shy useless sack of shit and then I am torn because on the one hand I still want to fuck but on the other hand I kind of want to pretend I never thought this was a good idea
so my compromise is to just say “I’m not”
WITH MY HAND STILL ON HIS DICK
so again like any sensible person he’s like “okay well then who is grabbing my dick”
AND I PANICKED
AND SAID
“IT’S A GHOOOooooOOOOoooOOOST”
AND JIGGLED MY HAND LIKE I WAS WEARING A SHEET AND FLOATING THROUGH THE AIR
AND HE LEFT THE ROOM AND EIGHT YEARS LATER MARRIED ME FOR SOME FUCKING REASON
#HE STILL HAS NOT LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN #IF I GRAB HIS DICK HE SCREAMS THAT THE HOUSE IS HAUNTED
I’m so happy you married him
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theclumsiestninja 