The amount of parents I’ve met who’ve told me, as a soon-to-be father, how much kids ‘ruin your life’ makes me so fucking sad.
These are all people who had kids because it was ‘the next logical step’. Like they have this mentality of ‘Marriage? Check. House? Check. Well, guess we better have kids!’ And then bring small dependant humans into the world…and get upset when their lives are inconvenienced or changed as a result.
It really saddens me because there’s this damaging culture of children being part of the standard. So people who shouldn’t be parents (and I mean that in the simplest of terms – not in a judgemental way, but a ‘it’s just not for you’ way) feel pressured to have children and regret it. And then the poor child grows up feeling like a burden.
It’s not fair on anyone. The parents, the children.
As a post on this site once said – children and the decision to parent should be ‘hell yes or hell no’. If you think for any reason at all that you might not be big on raising kids, do not actively go out of your way to have kids. Having them won’t magically make you want them.
All the people I know who wanted – really wanted – their kids and to raise kids have said ‘it’s difficult but I LOVE it. I love being a parent.’
Can we please eliminate the idea that parenting should suck? And that having children is a necessary part of adulthood?
And can we please eliminate the idea that people who don’t want children are somehow lacking? And that those who do want children are doomed to misery?
Signed, a very excited father-to-be who understands it’s not something everyone wants or should want.
It’s worth noting too that the mentality of “hell yes” should include EVERYTHING that comes with having kids
Are you ready for your kid to potentially be:
- Mentally ill?
- Physically/mentally disabled?
- Gay?
- Trans?
- Anything other than cis/het?
Additionally, can you accept that you shouldn’t force your ideas and goals on a child or push them to be something they’re not? And can you accept that a child is literally their own person and may dissapoint you with their life choices at some point?
A lot of times, people don’t consider their children could be anything other than “normal” or don’t plan for the possibility of something happening to them (eg becoming disabled and having to care for them indefinitely).
So, if a person can’t still go “hell yes!” after considering everything above, they shouldn’t have children.
Excellent addition to this post and agree wholeheartedly.
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theclumsiestninja 