god dammit

i was disappointed because i wouldn’t be able to get the dream car i wanted so i told you i felt like i would be settling again (like with the prom dress and kinda with college) cuz it always seems to happen that i’ll see something i really want but am not in a position to get it, but when i am in that position the thing i wanted is no longer available or able to be found and anything close to it is gone so i have to get the second best thing on my list (which usually works out fine if not better in the long run but im still a bit sad initially)

and now you want to set aside time to have a discussion about my feelings and how sad/guilty you feel because you thing i got it from you??

NOOO

i don’t want to talk about feelings ever nor do i want to tell some random stranger about it in a therapy/counseling session this is why i don’t tell you shit because it always loops around to your catholic guilt nonsense and “heart-to-heart” conversations

i want to ignore it because chances are it was a one time passing emotion and you say “i dont want to harp about it or pressure you” but the fact that we were even having this chat is harping about it already! fuckin christ i never want to talk about feelings ever especially not to you because eventually you’ll start feeling guilty and bad like everything was all your fault and i don’t want to deal with your ridiculous catholic guilt and you feeling bad so i don’t want to talk about it ever especially not in an awkward couch interview interrogation in the living room way again like when i was a kid

fuck i’d rather get drunk than have that conversation and i HATE alcohol or the whole getting drunk concept so lets just not have that chat and say we did and ignore it til we all forget about it k?