I am crying at your wife’s comments to your cat, because as someone who loves, and has had cats I understand completely lol. Do you also have a picture of said cat?
I love how you used the most innocent and charming pictures of the monsters in which we co-inhabit. I find that misleading.
First off, Miss Kitty is a bone-eating goblin from a dark realm where love is nails and fur in your eyeballs. Remember when you got up and told her, ‘if you sit on my computer, I’ll murder you?’ and that was the first thing she did? Smug look and all? And looked up at me like, “who the fuck does she think she is? Trying to rule me with trite commands? HA!”
And let’s not forget that she did hard time. She was scooped up by The Man and we identified her by the phase ‘our cat is the one that is always screaming’? and THIS IS HER ACTUAL MUGSHOT.
And Byron. Sweet Byron. He is too stupid, too pudgy, too lazy to be real-talked. A toddler of a cat. A flan of a feline. A dumpling of a dumbass. His whole life revolves around us turning on the bedroom light, squealing at his poses, and then leaving. He is a spooning bastard who curls in around my body like liquid mercury. He is a lazy love bro who lets you pet him like that is the reason why he was put on this earth.
Also I feel like I need to impress upon everyone that the reason that he is called Cat-Cat Byron Cat is because of his theme song.
Hahaha! That’s the funny thing– I can always tell (because I read the tags like a loser) who has cats and who doesn’t. The non-cat-owners are always like “that’s so mean!?” and the cat owners are like “yeah mine’s a little shit too.” and I know it’s in a loving way haha!
And yes! Allow me to share our babies with you!!!
This is the cat that my wife usually real-talks. Anything that has to do with heaven or hell is usually directed at this fluffy nugget of screaming joy. Her full name is Miss Clover Cleopatra, but she goes by Miss Cleo or Miss Kitty:
Then this little angel is Lord Byron Fitzwhiskers, more commonly referred to as Cat Cat Byron Cat. He’s my special son whom I adore and would kill anyone to protect. Usually baby just says normal things to him, but any of the quotes that use the word “bastard” are usually in reference to this bundle of love.
Thank you for asking about them!!!! I LOVE MY BABIES.
Cat! Cat!
Byron Cat!
Cat! Cat!
By-ron Cat!
He’s fluffly and he’s faaaat
By-ron Caaat!
We sing that loudly every time he walks into a room. Because he is the kind of ding-dong that needs a chorus when he finally gets out of bed.
I love our monsters, but you can’t mislead the public about their true natures. The public needs to be informed.
I want to defend them, but… well, yeah. These are our children. I can’t look at that picture of Byron without sobbing.
theclumsiestninja 